The Beloved is a war-torn veteran, who is looking for a new peaceful life far from the battlefield. The war has torn him so much that he became loner, rather paranoid and develops a rare obsession about data…an effect called Combat Fatigue. He try so hard to cure this with a little effect because…..sadly….the war always looking for him

The Beloved is a pacifist; always try to avoid conflict with anyone or anything. If everything can be solved with a diplomatic way, he prefers to do it rather than an open frontal way. He always tried to maintain balance & his neutrality. However, this doesn’t mean he can’t fight…he just don’t want to. The Beloved can be your most truthful friend who will die for you & your cause and The Beloved can be your worst enemy who will make sure you suffer & die smoothly.

Some says The Beloved were frightening. This is due his nature as a shell for something he doesn’t want to reveal. He always says that his purpose of life is to seal something, and he is quite ready to be called back (that how he described death). He also says that he just waiting his visa to be signed.

The Beloved was a family man. He will protect and care his beloved one to the death even beyond it because, for him that is what remains from his belonging. He says we can buy house, we can acquired wealth, we can takeover a nation, but a good happy family is a gift from God and to maintain it is one hell of a job.

The Beloved now were looking for someone who will succeed him.He just wants to pass his knowledge.He himself feel that he is growing too old and need to settle down continuing life as it is.His days are now counted although he never knows when it ends.

The Beloved was a commando unit,able to work alone on any multiple tasks without the help of others.The world has taught him to grow up like that, to trust no one,to be always perfectionist,to set a high standard in everything,and to maintain “I can do it by myself” kind of attitude.Sadly,all of his ability comes with a terrible price, his lack of social and interpersonal skill.He like to be alone and stay in the shadow,watching people passing by.He keep his grief, pain and suffering to himself Nobody know what happened to him until suddenly they see him lying on a hospital bed, with a bloody arms and said “I’m okay,never been to better than this” or until suddenly he collapse in a bench with a pain in his face but he keep smiling & said “don’t worry,just an error in my system,it’ll better soon”.

The Beloved lack of social and interpersonal skill cost him greatly in many social situations.That’s why he spend most of his time alone in a solitary place.He decided to be alone not because he hate people,but because he not used to people or to life inside a group.He always had been an outsider for most of his life until now.He live alone and he die alone.People for him is a new experience.

The Beloved's wars were far from over although most of the people said that the war for his generation is already over.He himself was also tired from this war but sadly,he can’t quit now because he still has mission to do as a sweeper for his generation.And he just want to atone from his past sin,that maybe there is a salvation out there for his soul

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Life is just a way, a way toward some place, toward some time, toward some mission........and finally toward our home

Toward the path, we faces what we have to face.........we can't run away from it, we can't hide from it.........when the time comes


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    Friday, June 08, 2012
    here with it

    been quite long since i  update this blog, and yes i update it now because i am happy

    why, maybe you will ask that....

    because they think i am somebody else...or was it?

    did i really those somebody or not?


    cyber hack is sure fun....especially ghost hack...and playing around becoming others

    making people angry via cybermedia were fun too

    Posted at 6/8/2012 10:40:50 pm by The Beloved Lucifiel
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    Friday, June 15, 2007
    A Very – Very Weird Reflection : 3rd Case

    On the Sunday evening 10th May 2007, I saw a news in television about a demonstration in Jakarta ( I happen to be in Semarang that day ), a big demonstration with a very big mass. The demonstration were rallied by Prosperous Justice Party ( or Partai Keadilan Sejahtera ), and they make a very big statement in Monas asking for the Independence of Palestine and for the destruction & damnation of Israelites nation + Jews ( that the conclusion I have…and they also said it explicitly ).


    Then a big question came out on my head.


    Indonesia still one of the poorest & corrupted nation in the world, with its low GNP, its great gap between the rich and the poor, its never-ending disaster, its mixes of Tsunami, Earthquake, Volcano Eruption & Hot Mud, its clash between people with people, its conflict region, its Human Right problem, its unsolved traumatic case, its terrorism case, and so on, and so on, and so on


    ……….and suddenly, this party and its very big (thousand of people present on that demonstration) follower are asking for the independence of Palestine?....don’t tell me they are ready to fight there as a volunteer…..just like in Afghanistan  or Iraq……


    I don’t know what to say…….


    Indonesia still its darkest hour and they are urging for the independence of Palestine??


    I can’t say anything at all……I can’t even say they are fool….or wise….or in-between…..because…….Indonesia still in a deep hole and they are urging for the Independence of Palestine …..


    Man…….that’s something…..


    Okay….apart from thinking about the well - being of Indonesia, they prefer to think about the independence of Palestine. Apart from thinking about how to repair and restore Indonesia at least to the point of equal prosperity, they prefer to think about Palestine’s freedom..


    ….so are they Palestinian?.... nope, of course not, they are Indonesian.


    But why we…..Indonesian have to think about Palestine’s independence when Indonesia still in its darkest hour? Why we…. Indonesia have to think about Palestine’s independence when Indonesia still in ruin?


    Why don’t we think about our well – being first rather than others well – being, specially Palestine

    …….besides, if we think about the brotherhood of Moslem nation, there is some wealthy Islamic nation such as Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates and Jordania that very – very prosperous with a high GNP, billion dollar from oil trade, and their leader have many mansion in every side of the world…..they can help for the independence of Palestine can they?


    Even if we succeeded to send our reinforcement to free Palestine from Israel, what did we get? Are we got something?


    As far as I know, when Indonesia is in trouble because Aceh Tsunami Disaster on December 2004, the first helping hand and volunteer that came are NOT from any Islamic country or Islamic nation in Indonesia and the world……even from those so called party……but from what those they labeled as infidel, kafir, dirty, and enemy…..


    Yep……, the first helping hand and volunteer that arrive on the first day after the disaster came from Jewish and Christian Charity Organization….and still today donate to make Aceh restored again and Aceh people prosperous…


    The second helping hand and volunteer that arrive on the very first week came from still not from Islamic country but from country such as China & Russia ( a communist country ), Japan, and European country…….and of course America with it USS Abraham Lincoln that carry enough equipment to distribute logistic & evacuate many refugees


    Then….where is the Islamic Nation? Do they help? far as I know, they only sent a message, telling the government & people of Indonesia to stay calm, to keep their courage so they can prevail this disaster

    Are the Islamic nation sending help?.....I can’t see anyone on the field, specially those Palestinian or Arabs, but I do see some Israelites carrying a rotten corpse of a tsunami victim.


    The same goes also inside the country….


    The first helping hand and volunteer from inside the country came from Non-Moslem Charity Organization, such as Christians, Hindu and Buddhist organization. And I hate to admit I saw most of them pray before the carrying the corpses of tsunami victim….and they prevailed to work for more than a month clean up that mess


    …… I see some of those party or fanatical Islamic organizations in the field? I do saw them….but they are stun immobilized to see the tsunami impact….and finally need to be send home rather than became a burden in the disaster area. Most of them doesn’t even stand a week … for a month or so. Most of them became a burden, not equipped properly for the situation, not mentally ready to see such an impact, not trained properly to handle that kind of situation, and doesn’t even know what to do…. They end up inside a plane becoming refugees itself, or in a hospital receiving treatment for a severe traumatic syndrome.


    The fanatical Islamic organization and those party itself?....don’t ask me….I know nothing about it…..and I don’t want to think about it……


    But, I do know one thing…… that a good metallic drum have a great sound

    Posted at 6/15/2007 8:39:08 pm by The Beloved Lucifiel
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    A Very – Very Weird Reflection : 2nd Case

    Still on Saturday, when I escort my mother to a funeral preparation, I noticed a couple of big banner near my house, a very big and exciting banner from my perception. The big banner told about some kind of community, saying things about “Majlis Taraweh & Dzikir” led by a Habib or something (Habib is some kind a word for leader of assembly in Islam…..that word were new to me, supposedly coming from Middle East Islam like Afghanistan, Pakistan, or Iran) whose name were Arabs like Umar al-Habib or something. Then another thing came right through my head about the name. I recall, most of the fanatical organization in Indonesia were led by people with an Arabic name, such as Djafar Umar Thalib from the infamous Laskar Jihad, or Habib Riziq Shihab from the infamous Front Pembela Islam and of course not forget to mention Abu Bakar Basyir who’s become a prime suspect for leading the infamous terrorists organization Jamaah Islamiyah who’s responsible for Bali Bombing & J.W.Merriot Bombing (not to mention Christmas Bombing)


    Okay, I’m here not to wrote those name, those organization, or those rather exciting fanatical things who trying to make Indonesia to become like Taliban, but to talks about names…..Arabic Name.


    As I once remember, people from many country name their kid with name that resemble their identity, heritage and country although nowadays most people in the city prefer to mix-and-match those names.


    For example, Javanese will name its boy like this; Raden Mas Gatotkaca Antarejo Brawijoyo Joyonegoro Sudwikatmono, or its girl like this; Raden Ajeng Mahardika Kusumawardhani Tribuwana Tungghadewi (notice the name?). So goes with Balinese ; I Gede Made Ktut Jelantik, or Batak people; Otto Barito Paringotan Manurung. The same things go on in scoop of nation like Chinese; Xi Zhou Yu, or Japanese like; Takeshi Kanimura……..or even Israelites like; Yehuda Yehezkiel and Germany like; Karl Otto von Runsendt.


    The example for mix-and-match in Indonesia is like Jupiter Marijan Kartosuwiryo or Isabella Casablanca Barito Sibutar-Butar…and don’t forget, Christians have their baptism names


    The point is, most of the name show where you came from, what your identity is, where do you belong to, and what do you descended from. Therefore, if the name was Jafar Al-Habib Al Kubaishyi so we will assume you are from Middle East or have a Middle East Descent or Arab specifically.


    Then the question is why they are labeled as a natives Indonesia when the 1998 May Riot happened? When the riot happened, there is this case of Natives and Non-Natives or “Pribumi” and “Non - Pribumi”, and a tension between them. The so called Natives or Pribumi were people from Malay ethnic or people from Indonesian descent; the Non – Natives or “Non – Pribumi” were people with non – Indonesia descent. But lately, the so called “Non – Natives” or “Non – Pribumi” definition were labeled only & only to people with Chinese descent, like intended to have a legalization to wipe them out, pillage them, rape them and burn them…(that justification happened on the riot….and until now, nobody says something about it or even a regret)…….


    And the question remain


    The Arabian descents were NOT natives if we want to classify them. They don’t even sound like one of it, if you get from their names like Jafar Al-Habib Al Kubaisyi. The Chinese descent is more natives than them in the term of names because they use names like Budiman Tjanuwidjaja or Benyamin Santoso. The differences between them is their religion were Jafar Al-Habib Al Kubaisyi was identical with Moslem, Budiman Tjanuwidjaja and Benyamin Santoso were identical with Christians or Buddhist. And for fanatical Moslem, anything that not Moslem were “Kafir” or dirty or tainted that need to be cleanse with anything even with violent way. And the story goes…..


    I’m wrote this not to mock or because I hate Moslem because I have family & friend that are Moslem……and they are very dear to me…

    I wrote this for the sake of humanity…because I hate to admit that most people judge something just from its cover. They say people were good just because that people have a very good and beautiful Islamic Arabian Names, or because that people came from Islamic Arabian Country. They forget that names, religion, and country doesn’t decide if that person is good or bad. As far as I know, most of those people that make chaos everywhere in Indonesia have a good beautiful Islamic Arabian name like Abu Dujana, Hambali, Djafar Umar Thalib, Habib Riziq Shihab, Amrozy, and Abu Bakar Basyir.


    Why I mention them as a chaos maker? Because they always make a front page news in a bad way.

    Posted at 6/15/2007 8:37:10 pm by The Beloved Lucifiel
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    A Very – Very Weird Reflection : 1st Case

    Last Saturday before I go to Semarang for my courier job, I decided to escort my mother to one of my mother friend funeral preparation. It’s a good funeral preparation since he is a very good priest and preacher. There, I also saw beautiful phenomena on the sky that sadly I forgot to bring my Camera along.


    On the way home, while in the car, my though were thinking heavily on how to finish a game called “Lord of The Ring : The Battle for Middle Earth” (and I also enjoyed to watch the film on that occasion)……how I got to conquer Helm’s Deep, or what troop do I sent to Minas Tirith……and how can I get my hand on those beautiful Nazgul unit……


    I was in a very deep thinking until I saw on my right on the far of the road a figure clad with a black robe from its head to its toe, and wearing a white helmet  on its head…….and I spontaneously scream…. “oh my God…it’s a Nazgul!!!.......I see a Nazgul..!!!” ….(luckily….nobody hear me or pay attention to me) until finaly I realize that was not a Nazgul…. But it’s a woman, wearing black Burkha ( a Middle East  woman Moslem dress that cover them from head to toe and only save for its eyes so the wearer can see ) and a white motorcycle helmet. I also saw his suppose-to-be husband, wearing sorban and Middle East type of suit.


    Then I got this think in my head…..I recalled lately that many Moslem specially from a specific type of party and community like to wear those kind of suit as their identity and urge many Moslem to wear it also as a sign of their devotion toward Islam . I’m not disagree with their thinking or their habit as far as it is for themselves and they do that for themselves, but I hate to admit I hate how they urge other to follow their step as the only way to show the devotion toward Islam and God.


    If you ask me why I hate that, because for me Religion, God, and devotion toward it is depend on the people itself without any influence from other. Religion, devotion and fellowship with God for someone are different from the other even if they have the same religion. Moreover, everybody has its own culture. You can’t urge people to follow your own culture unless they decided to follow you willingly. You can’t say that your culture is the only way because everyone has its own culture and perception toward things.


    Indonesia also has its own culture, and its own perception of a religion. If I may recall, only Indonesian Moslem has a pilgrimage tradition to “Wali’s” Grave (The Wali was preacher of Islam in Indonesia culture from old) and pilgrimage to other holy site of Islam in Indonesia apart from pilgrimage to Mecca. Only Indonesian Moslem has a tradition of what we called “Islam Kejawen”, Islam with a traditional Hindu – Buddha culture approach and of course, only Indonesian Moslem has its own “Fasted, Mudik & Lebaran” tradition with its own special occasion food (I believe “Ketupat” and “Opor” only exist in Indonesian Moslem Iedul Fitri tradition).


    We can’t force people to follow our culture. As we can see, people have its own culture just like country & nation has its own culture. Indonesia is not a desert like Middle East. Indonesia don’t have camels as its nation animal. And the most important thing is, Indonesia is a country with a green pasture, tropical condition, full of water, and a very warm climate with weather situation about 21 – 31 degree Celsius that differentiate between Indonesia and Middle East.


    So, different situation, different culture, different people. We can’t life like Middle East people here. We can try, but then we will found ourselves on a difficult position to synchronize with our surrounding. The surrounding I’m talking here is not about people but the nature. If it hard for you to believe, go head and try it. at least is a very interesting thing for me to watch it for my new experiment.

    Posted at 6/15/2007 8:34:30 pm by The Beloved Lucifiel
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    Wednesday, May 30, 2007
    An Essay About Love


    In this writing, I maybe not try to make a summary of The Encyclical Letter of The Supreme Pontiff Benedict XVI titled “Deus Caritas Est”. However, I maybe just try to make a conclusion based from the letter itself because I just want to let the letter itself be what it is to be, so the moral and philosophical meaning contained in it preserves, as what it is. The decision I made because I believe everyone has his or her own perception containing this beloved letter, and everyone had his or her side of perspectives about this letter and what the meaning in it. To make a summary from this letter I believe not a significant idea because to me, every single word or even every single alphabet in this letter were connected significantly as a meaning and if one word or alphabet were missing, the meaning was lost forever. Instead, I will make a conclusion from this beloved letter base from my point of view, base from my thought and base from how I perceive this letter. By this, I try to avoid any observer bias I made if I made any summary from this letter. And by made a conclusion, I was more subjective in defining this beloved letter from my point of view even if it try to made myself more objective in my way of thinking.

    So, please enjoy my writing and my thought about this beloved letter titled “Deus Caritas Est”, dear reader. I made this not because of this is my college paper, or I get a reward in it, but I think by write this I made a difference in the world that lately filled with hatred by the name of God. As the letter address it that …..”The name of God is sometimes associated with vengeance or even the duty of hatred and violence”. At least I can make a difference by write this and post it so you dear reader can read this, read the letter itself and spread the word of love toward the world, a humble dream that I believe will came true if we try.

    If any of my word seems make you dear reader, a little offended, please accept my humble apologies and feel free to say it to me. I am all open to any feedback about my writing or any word in it because I still an unfinished human with so many things to be study in the future. There are still so many skies above me and so many grounds below me that said that even if I am the most perfect being in the known and unknown universe, I am still a creation of The Most High. Which mean, there always someone somewhere that surpass me in all of mine. So, I humbly cede to any of the comment, suggestion, critic, feedback, or anything to keep me improved and at least be helpful to anyone, or becoming the light of the world, just like our role model, Jesus had done.

    So dear reader, please enjoy my writing. Moreover, may the grace, glory, mercy, peace, and love of The Lord God always be with us all the time.

    Humbly yours,


    I also posted this writing in my personal Blog and my Friendster Blog “An Exile Angel Journal”. Hope it can be a beautiful things to share and read.



    “God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him” (1 John 4 : 16). These words open the encyclical letter of “Deus Caritas Est” made by Pope Benedict XVI as his first encyclical letter since he became a Pontificate of The Church. The theme of the encyclical letter is quite simple, its all about love. But the theme also were quite heavy if we want to thought more carefully because love had a great number of definition and meaning and also a great number of perspective. Love itself is an abstract concept, and I believe that everyone in the known universe had his or her definition and meaning concerning the word of love.

    “God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him” (1 John 4 : 16 [taken from Thompson Chain Reference Bible translation]). By this word, we may perceive that love was coming from God and God alone as the essence of love. As God is The True Originator of all kind, God is the originator of love as we see today and He the true love and this is proved by His love toward humanity with His planning of salvation. He loved the world He created so much so He even sent His own Son to save the world from sin as it is written “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believe in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3 : 16 [Thompson Chain Reference Bible translation]). So, as God has gave His love to the world, we are encourage to follow the role and love of Christ and thus, love each other.

    The word of love itself has many different meaning and many different parts. The letter also stated many kind of love, like love of the country, love of one’s profession, and love between friend, love between parent and children, love between neighbor, love of work, love of God, and many more. However, one meaning of love does stand up from the other love, that is love between man and women, when the body and soul were inseparably joined and humankind glimpse an apparently irresistible promise of happiness. Of course, this glimpse of an apparently irresistible promise of happiness were maybe just an illusion but this love between man and women has become the epitome of love were all other kind of love fade away in comparison. When we talking about love today, many will quickly associated it with the love of man and women, and would like to start and end the discussion from that point of view. Therefore, as the letter stated, the question arise is “are love as we speak is a single reality with many manifestation? Are all these form of love is basically one so that love with its many and varied manifestations, is ultimately a single reality, or we merely using the same word to designate totally different realities?


    First, we must admit that the love between man and women were neither planned nor willed but somehow imposes itself upon human being so it like a primordial instinct to us. I wrote this because except for the deviant, most of man will attracted by women and vice versa. Every man eyes instantly will notice if there is a woman around (specially a good and beautiful woman) and the same goes for woman as well. It is like our instinct of preserving our gene, to mate with someone of different sexes, so our reproduction of our gene were guarantee.

    The love between man and women itself were called Eros in ancient Greek. With Philia and Agape, Eros becoming one of the word for love in ancient Greek and we must not that the Greek Old Testament only use it twice while the New Testament prefer Agape rather than Eros as the word describing love. As for Philia, it is used with added depth meaning to describe the relation between Jesus and His disciple due to the meaning of Philia as the love of friendship. The tendency of avoiding Eros as the term of love in Christian book were based from a new vision of love expressed through the word Agape, to point something about the more depth Christian understanding about love. Of course, this decision also made quite a critic from many begin in the Enlightment Age and goes on until this day that Christian degenerates the meaning of Eros into the negative meaning of love, and add bitterness in the joy, which is a divine gift from our Creator.

    The question is, did Christian destroy Eros, mutilated it and degenerated it into a negative side effect? I don’t think so. As we progress, The Greek saw Eros as an intoxication, a divine madness that overpowering mankind, tear it away from mankind finite existence and taste the glimpse of supreme happiness. Virgil state that “Love conquers all (omnia vincit amor) which is true because when somebody is in love, he or she forgot everything else and all power in this world appear as a secondary to love. During the course of history, these attitudes appear and found its expression in fertility based religion were Eros celebrated as divine powers were people have a fellowship with the divine. The procedure of this fertility-based religion is by employing the so-called “sacred intercourse” by using the priestess as an agent of the divine to have a fellowship with the divine.

    The Old Testament clearly opposed this kind of religion and combated it as a perversion of religion. However, the point is not about rejected Eros or throws it away. The meaning of Eros that was using by fertility-based religion simply degenerated the true meaning of Eros itself. By employing the priestess as a mere, object of sexual intercourse to get the so-called “divine intoxication” and called it Eros, the fertility-based religion simply put the Eros as a fall and degradation of human and love itself. Therefore, today, the word of Eros simply pointed to lust instead of love and by this word, human became such a commodity of lust. Eros was corrupted and reduced plainly just a simply pure lustful sex, not as something that can resemble the true meaning of it as the word describing love.

    The true meaning of Eros was far beyond it, not just a simply lustful sex, but as one of the word for describing love. Eros was seen in the letter as a journey toward Agape. It is very logical to stated that we have to know about Eros if we want to know about Agape because the two is inseparable and hold it own meaning as a whole. The Eros seen it here not as a lustful sex or some kind of weird sandwich the people today defining it, but as some kind of passion to find the fountain of love, the endless pursuit of human toward and endless happiness. I’m not talking about sex, or lust or some kind of it, but a desire to find the love of God and fill the body and soul in it. As we see, the true meaning of “divine intoxication” is not in the practice of “sacred intercourse” but in the fellowship with the divine, and by practice it as a sacred intercourse, the fertility-based religion has degenerated the whole meaning of Eros into one single simply meaning still use today, which is sex. What we need to satisfy The Eros is not the “sacred intercourse” nor any of the sexual thingy offered by many type of prostitution and lust, but the fellowship with the divine because Eros true meaning is lies in the never ending journey of seeking the true source fountain of love, that is God. Moreover, if we found that fountain and drink from it, we could became the source were the love of God spring from us.

    Everyone who seek to satisfy Eros by “divine intoxication” in the practice of “sacred intercourse”, prostitution or any lust-based type of sexual thingy will found themselves unsatisfied and ask for more and more, but as the same time more and more unsatisfied. As Jesus stated, “everyone who drink this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drink the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4 : 13 – 14). It is mean that by seeking and drink the water of love from God, our Eros will be satisfied. As our Eros were satisfied, we begin not to seek for ourselves but to gave what we have to other, thus proceeding to our Agape phase and by giving the love we had inside, we fulfill our need for Agape. However, if we always gave our love toward other, the stock of love we had deep inside will be fewer and fewer. Therefore, we need to replenish it by using our Eros phase toward the infinite source of love, which is our relationship with God.

    God itself were love, as we see that God Eros toward humanity were completely Agape. As it is stated by the prophet Hosea that God’s love is a love that forgive, that God punish Israel for their adultery but in the same time forgive them and planned for their restoration (as it stated in the last chapter of Hosea promised for Israel’s Restoration). Eros is somehow rooted into man’s very nature and by the creation standpoint, Eros direct man toward marriage so man and women can became “one flesh” so completely represent the essence of humanity.



    Saint Augustine wrote, “If you see Charity, you see Trinity”, which is true because by the charity of God, we can now had a chance to taste the divine beauty of reconciliation with God by His salvation plan. God’s charity is feeling by us with the descending of God himself in a man called Jesus Christ in this world. Moreover, to save us from the kingdom of Death and sin, God gave himself as a true unblemished sacrifice, pure and equal so Death let loose of its grips from us. And because Jesus Christ is a Word of God or god himself, He cannot be hold by The Death so He arise in the third day, proving that he is God itself in the form of a man. So, this story of salvation became prove of God’s Charity toward humankind.

    Charities itself were one of prove and practice of love. I mean here is not just an almsgiving or helping people in the time of disaster, but the more broadened meaning of sharing. Charities were criticized as the way for some rich people or prosperous society to shirk their obligation to work for justice and a means of soothing their consciences, while preserving their own status and robbing the poor of their rights. So most Marxist argue that poor people don’t need charity but justice, and it’s better to made a social structure that no longer have to depend on charity but to equal share of the world’s goods.

    I have to admit that some of this is true, that some of the rich view charity just like that and shirk their obligation to work for justice and a means of soothing their consciences, while preserving their own status and robbing the poor of their rights. However, we have to admit that we like to simplified most of the true meaning of things, and only cling to the practical meaning of that things, which is happened to the meaning of charity. Finally, charities were seeing not from its true meaning but from our practical point of view as almsgiving, though, we should not see it from there.

    Charities itself were far broader than just another almsgiving as we see in the Holy Scripture. In Acts of The Apostles, charity was not just another almsgiving but in sharing all the things in their fellowship as seen in the first believer congregation (Acts 2 : 42 – 47 and Acts 4 : 23 – 37). They were glad in every condition, have a sincere heart, praising God, and enjoying the favor of all the people. This is reflected more in Paul Letter toward the believer, which they were encourage to became one in mind and spirit as Christ spiritual bodies. Charity here is not almsgiving but sharing, sharing for the Message of God, the Word of God, and the most important things, the Love of God. By sharing our material, we share our material gift from God, by sharing our joyful life, we share our joy from God, by sharing our wisdom, we share the wisdom granted from God, and so fort. This is what I said as the true meaning of charity. Because I believe that, everyone has its own way of charity and its own contribution in charity. Even by writing this, I made myself a charity by giving the message of love toward other who read it.

    We also must realize that charity is not for our own sake, or glorification of ourselves. We can’t make sure our path to heaven are cleared because or how often we charity, we can’t make sure that our place in heaven were existed because of how much we spend on our charities because salvation only came from Him who is forever truth, Jesus Christ as the way toward Father. However, charity itself were necessary as prove of our love, to share our love toward others as we are the sons of God, by believing in His Son Jesus Christ. We were brought to eternal life freely by the love of God proved by His Charity toward us. So why us that has been save freely by God not display the similarity as a sons of God by our own kind of charity and sharing? As we are the sons of God and the light of the world, it is necessity for us to shine and do just as God has done to us and just like our role model, Jesus Christ had done.


    There is an important conclusion we can have from the beloved encyclical letter, that love came from God, free without a charge and God gave it to humankind as a gift from God to His beloved. As Solomon stated in his infamous Song of Song, the love of God is endless toward human as his shulamite. It is how we dealt with it that count, are we rejected it saying we are unsaved, are we take it just for our selves as our Eros satisfication, or are we take it and share it as our gratitude to the endless love God gave to us and so, begin the cycle of Eros and Agape phase in us . The source from God is endless and overflowing, it is how we manage it that count what kind of human we are. besides, being a Christian is not by any mean an ethic, or a hereditary. It is necessity for me to say that being a Christian is a gift and a choi ce from God.

    Personal Note

    This Essay were made based from The Encyclical Letter of The Supreme Pontiff Benedict XVI titled "Deus Caritas Est"

    Posted at 5/30/2007 9:30:13 pm by The Beloved Lucifiel
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    Monday, March 26, 2007
    Radicalism that lead to terrorism…a boomerang to Islam?

    Lately when I saw the news, I saw jilbab and a couple of Moslem attribute were banned in some country. To my surprise, many of the country who banned Moslem attribute where a democratic based country, even democratic theory establish country such as France and England were freedom of opinion were uphold by the law. Does something happen? Because I recognize this country had a great tolerance toward many religion and freedom of opinion…and suddenly, they became strict toward one religion called Islam. Then I realize these phenomena started when the terrorism cases rise to the surface especially since 9/11 and Bali Bombing that create a massive shock throughout the world as we know it. Suddenly, the rather peace, tolerant and democratic country in Europe where transformed into red alert fortress nation.


    Do they have right to do it? I say, yes, they do have that right especially to protect their country, their people, their identity, and themselves from this kind of unfamiliar treat called terrorism. Do we have a right to protest when one of the religion attribute were banned in their country? I also say yes, we do have the right to protest because if you are talking about religion you are talking about personal faith. However, unknown to us, the impact were far more than we ever know.


    I believe they banned the attribute not because they do not like that attribute but because they are afraid, afraid that the attribute were the sign of radicalism that will turn into terrorism.


    Why do they have to afraid because a simple attribute like jilbab or anything of that sort?


    Because most of the people in the radical fanatical Islamic movement were using that attribute as a sign of themselves, their superior quality above anything, their steadfast faith above anything and their goal of how human must act only and only by their religion rule without even think that there is so many different race, gender, religion and personal thinking of human race.


    Do those radical Islamic movements wrong? I do not want to make a comment because they get mad of me if I say they are wrong besides their always view themselves as the rightist and holiest movement in the world as other radical fanatical movement would do. And above all, they are damned stone-headed stubbornness always made me amaze that I think I prefer not to comment about anything in front of them


    Nevertheless, to me, this kind of movement make things worst, not better. Okay, if I want to think about it, I know their idealistic utopist goal were quiet good, even great in this still-not-a-peace world. To created a world of peace and harmony in God’s law were definitely a great idea because if that happen, there will be a prosperous era. However, the methods of the realization were far from God’s ways. By pressing and subjugated people to follow our ways of thinking, our religion as the most right, the most holy of all with any kind of ways, were not written in any of known religion today even Islam. If they say that, it is written on the prophet Muhammad sunnah I believe there are some mistake interpretation here because all I know there are not religion in the world legalized that kind of action not even Islam. All I know, Islam were a peace-based religion, not a barbaristic, sadistic, war-based religion that terrorized people.


    To tell the truth, not only non-Moslem feel insecure, most of the Moslem were also threatened as well. Some of my friend who is not on the radical side but wearing jilbab “because they feel they are called by their own faith to wear it” said that it is hard for them to travel to many countries now especially country that had been targeted by radical fanatical movement to study when the government knows that they were Islam. Many of them whom already have a nice scholarship in that country, thinking to use it to make a better day for their country and environment but got difficulties with the authority just because they are Moslem and wearing jilbab. Many of my friends in America say that they got quiet bad prejudice just because they were a Moslem, because most of the American associates Moslem with the hijackers of 9/11. It’s that all? Nope, those bad lists continue to grow as the world still cursing Taliban regime for the destruction of great quantity and quality of archaeological artifact because it is not Islamic as they know it.


    My father said that the recent uprising toward Islam were an impact of dishonesty on the imam, ustadz, kyai, or ulama because they are using the interpretation of The Quran for their own personal benefit. He said that if Mohammad the prophet were a Javanese, and the revelation from God about Islam came to a Javanese man, The Quran will be written in Javanese letters in Javanese language. In addition, if its comes to Urdu or Bushman people, The Quran will be written on Urdu or Bushman language. My father point is no matter were, when or to whom it comes, the most important things is what actual message its carry. God is limitless and cannot even measure by anything, but the message comes in human language and human were given mind by God to interpret it base on every human circumstance.  God itself gave flexibility in Its message to correspond to every human present situation available, God never complain about the human interpretation as long as human understand the real meaning of that message was. If human understand it fully, God will came and lean side-by-side the human toward its goal.


    From many example, I can conclude that radicalism and fanatical toward something can make things worst and far from better. If that something we are using just for ourselves, the impact maybe were good only for ourselves but the impact were not always good for other. As we see now, the radical fanatical movement has become a boomerang to Islam. They are not making Islam better but make Islam worst than ever because now Islam were associated and often related with terrorism, chaos, human right abuse, poverty and war ultimately brought a complete decline on Islamic civilization. It is a very unfortunate because Islam as I know and many non-radical-fanatical Moslem know is a religion with a great compassion & tolerance toward diversity, toward other religion, and upholds human right down to its core. The Great Salahuddin-al-Ayubbi or Saladin were known toward his enemies as a compassionate & chivalric man who is very steadfast to his religion teaching and practice it toward anyone even his enemies. Harun-al-Rasyid were one of the Caliph who is using himself as an example of his religion teaching and maintain justice because an amazement toward his religion from other. Kublai Khan were one of the great Chinese Emperor who is said to be Moslem, practice Islamic teaching on his personal life  and becoming a great example toward his subordinate so his subordinate were very loyal to him even though their religion were different.


    The key is not forcing people to follow you and your method in religion but be an example and let the light & grace of God came out from your daily life everyday. Even if the radicals finally achieved their goal with their method and make everyone bow to them, what they felt were not peace from obeying God but peace from fear against the radicals. That what happens on Afghanistan when the Taliban regime rule the country, the people has lost their culture, their education and their personal life. That will happen on any other place were the radical & fanatical movement grew strong.


    I am writing this not because I hate that radical fanatical movement or people who is joining them. I am writing this not to mock their belief, their method or their faith. I wrote this just because I hate when someone personal belief were forcing to enter into our social life, our authority, our law, our daily life, our policies, our political issue, our economical issue, and any aspect of interaction and life apart from their own personal life. For me what is personal is personal, we can only shared it or give it as a suggestion toward others not forcing them to do it because in many kind, my cases were different from your case, my life were different from your life, my experience were different from your experience and even my personality were different from yours. Every human has its own unique things that differ itself from other and make them “human” as we call it now. We cannot force human to become one single entity with only using my or your single mind.


    Last of it, the question arise…can we became one single human race with so much differences between us? I believe we can, because we can be unite in diversity as long as we realize we are all human equal in front of God Or we are all human with many unique aspect and every aspect we have can be use to help each other for the sake of humanity. After all, we human are “one winged angel” and we have to depend on each other so we can fly.


    We have to thanks that we are still human…

    Posted at 3/26/2007 12:20:39 pm by The Beloved Lucifiel
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    Celebrating 4 year of war in Iraq & 6 year of war against terrorism)

    It has been 4 year of war and chaos in Iraq beginning from American invasion until this day and the escalating conflict were far from end. What we see today in Iraq is not a stable country with a great culture, civilized, democratic and of course, healthy nation just as the promise of America after "Operation Iraqi Freedom" but a scorched, battered, and ruined nation filled with terror, pain and death.


    What goes wrong? Do the tactics wrong? Do the policies wrong? Does the situation & circumstance go wrong?


    According to the data of military technology, The American with its hi-tech weaponry and manpower, just need approximately couple of days and as long as a couple months to secure the area, clean the mess, rebuild the rest and extract from there. However, the reality as you can see now is The U.S Troop are stuck in there without even know when the hostility end or will end. Although President George.W.Bush are asking the Congress to give more and more fund & manpower to be sent down to make sure the peace will come at last in Iraq, many people doubt it will end. Many more believe that it will never end as long as America forces still there. Many of people in the whole world even in America criticized President Bush decisions. Celebrating these 4 years of war, people rallying themselves on a demonstration against war in Iraq and ask America to pull their troops out of Iraq.


    For me, this series of even was a wonderful even…..why? Because it's the first military blunder America has made in the 21st century. It is also the example of the failure of a military strategy up into the basic level. Pardon me; I am not a general or even a military practitioner; I just a commoner who happened to love military strategy books and military history so much; and as a commoner, I just gave my opinion just as other commoner would gave, plain and simple. For detail opinion or in-depth opinion about it… I gave it to military academy graduate or other expert on the field, because they have the requirement needed to make it.


    If you ask me why I consider it a fatally failure campaign, here the deal.


    First, the U.S Forces has lost their initiative, they took too long to secure the area more than their timetable ever predicted. This overscheduled time proves very fatal to the rest of the campaign because overtime need additional fund, manpower, ammo, and don't forget casualty because most of the casualties in this campaign comes from the overtime. If you think the area were already secured when President Bush announce that the major battle were over and won, for me the area is secure IF AND ONLY IF the hostility ceased to existed and there is no more hostile forces ever present in the area…a total, complete and maximum area control. The overtime also increase population dissent inside and outside that area, this is showed by the increasing of chaos inside Iraq and increasing of protest on the whole world against American invasion toward Iraq. Eventually, this dissent will spark open hostility toward America or American and the new wave of terrorism appear. The so-called terrorist itself were far from defeat on this campaign, they just had a major drawback on their plan but so far I believe they still well alive and still can wreak havoc on Iraq or anywhere against America.


    Second, the longer the campaign, the more complicated the issue that present. In the first days or months of the campaign, maybe you just have to deal with maintaining peace issue, security issue, and fixing the damage issue. However, after 4 year, you have to deal with a more complicated issue such as economic inflation, poverty, health problem epidemic, mass hysteria, chaos, terror attack, starvation, separatist movement, and all because of the invasion. More complicated problem need a more specialized manpower, much more fund, and of course more complicated advance plan. For example, we need a Medical Personnel to cure certain Health Problem, not a Military Personnel and we need a Negotiator or Mediator with psychologist, sociologist and anthropologist quality or at least somebody who know the people and the place to reduce mass hysteria, chaos, or separatist movement in the area. The U.S troops certainly not ready to deal with this and thus kind of specific field. Okay, we know they do have their multi-tasking multi-role kind of ability, but to deal with a very specific and complicated issue were not their specialty. You need the right person on the right time for the right job.


    Third and final, now it is almost 6 year after the 9/11 and America has open two unfinished campaign in Afghanistan & Iraq (and i just learned that they also trying to open another campaign in Iran as well. Why I called unfinished, because most of the U.S troops still try to maintain peace there without even know when it would end. Okay, we can say that the Afghanistan campaign is almost over with reduces of chaos and hostilities but the impact from this campaign were far from over.  It will be a big bullshit if the impact were not felt on the country was the campaign happened. It will be a bigger bullshit if the impact were not even felt on America. Sooner or later, smaller or bigger, the impact will be feel by America, American Soil or Americans wherever the were, and when that happens, the victory from the campaign will be covered by the defeat from the impact. For the start, the social life in America were turning toward worst side rather than better side with a false prejudice against Islam, Moslem, Arabs, or Major Islamic Country people, insecurity, gap generation lost because of war, and increase of national dissent that can spark more major problem. Not to mention the increasing of hatred toward America and Americans from other scapegoat country or community they condemned. Adding it toward the impact and you got everyone ready to stab you in your back, waiting to found a right moment for the beginning of your end.


    I know it not my right to say this because I really know that revenge toward 9/11 is a must for America, but ancient saying said that "let not your anger consume you, lest it would lead you to your doom". Sun Tzu also says that wage a war IF and ONLY IF you really know your capability, you really know your enemies capability, you know your terrain, and you really know you will win for real, and above all, you know you can win for real without sending your troops or unleash your weapon.


    I hope everyone especially me can study from this case so we can be more patient to preserve & maintain peace in our little world.


    "Patient is Virtue"

    Posted at 3/26/2007 12:10:25 pm by The Beloved Lucifiel
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    Death to all

    Many human says, “Life is cheap, easy as it goes….but in truth, I think death is cheap. If we want to think about it, to bring life or to maintain, keeping or obtain life is tougher that its look. It took thousand and thousand of anything we have to keep something living, alive well being. For an instance, we have to had electricity if we want to keep our home lamp bright, we need some battery to keep our MP3 Player function properly, we even need fuel and dynamo to keep our car working properly……… so much for it every time and every hour of our life fighting for living. Health insurance, car insurance and many thing we spend just to make sure our life secure……. To make sure we are living prosperously happily ever after.


    Death in other hand was different. The word death itself was an enemy to most of our ear. It is strictly forbidden, perilous, and scary word to say, they even can make people think you are insane if you keep repeating that word and say that you love it so much. One thing for sure is death is cheaper than life. You do not need special occasion to taste death; you do not even need an expense to get it. There too many ways to taste death, many more ways to get it and can happen in any time, anywhere to anyone.


    If we want to think about it, death can be happen through anything. We can be dead via old ages, accident, killed, or suicide. The method of how to be death and the instrument of death expanded into some knowledge to us, human. It is amazing that the human even think to make a beautiful & glorious death ever happen to them, even developed many thing that can make a certain death for sure.


    So just like Agatha Christie’s Novel, we can achieve death by so many ways, from car accident, motor accident, cut by sword, gunshot, bomb explosions, cyanide, mustard gas, bio-chemical gas, nuclear attack and even by stepping on a banana peels…….. and then we realize that death are more cheaper than we ever think.




    What do you think?

    Are you ready if the time comes to face the death? Are you started to enjoy the harsh of your life, realizing that death is just a millimeter away for your life? Are you started to think death is a release from all your hardship and you thinking to suicide? Do you afraid of death because you realize how powerless you are in front of it? or you afraid because you don’t know were you going after it……….

    Posted at 3/26/2007 11:47:37 am by The Beloved Lucifiel
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    Wednesday, December 06, 2006
    it's been a long time to wrote

    i beg you pardon since it's been so long i deserted this place to do my duties out there. and i simply don't have any material lately to wrote something interesting in the net. Hope to find something special to reader outhere.

    Posted at 12/6/2006 2:22:34 pm by The Beloved Lucifiel
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    Thursday, October 27, 2005
    some funny thing i found about fasted

    There is something that makes me laugh, cry, and also confuse on the same time this morning, something truly amazing that maybe I will remember for most of my days to comes.

    I was sitting in front of my computer, playing (of course)……I happen to play Simcity 4 when suddenly I heard noise coming from the front of my house. That noise was a call from the mosque near my house, and its break the silence with it’s awfully distortion coming from a bad speaker…… Usually I ignored them, and let them mingle with their own business……but this time; there is something different about it. Something truly deserves some attention.

    The people on the mosque keep calling people (with its badly damage and hampered speaker) to prepare sahur meal (sahur is the event everyday to prepare and eat the meal before you go to begin your fast). It keep calling people, over and over again…..reminding them to remember sahur, remember that this is Ramadhan Month, a holy month, a month full of grace that your sin will be cut in a half if you do good, etc, etc, etc

    Then some questions arise in my mind;

    First, why they called that this Ramadhan is a holy month? Are other month are not holy? Why this month is holy? What make this month holy? Are this month is God? Because all I know only God deserve the title holy or sacred……….

    Second, they keep calling that because this is a holy month, a month full of grace that your sin will be cut in a half if you do good……so why I have to follow the religion law and do good for the whole years if I only get my sin cut and forgiven only in this month?… better do good ONLY and ONLY in this month, because all my sin a whole years will be wipe out in this month……………so why don’t we kill people, stab them in their back, destroy some nation, rape some women, etc, etc, etc for a whole years do bad thing……..and by only give our zakat, do good, and fasted IN THIS MONTH,…….hola!!!! We got all our sin a whole years vanishes and forgiven……is that nice? 11 month we doing sin all the way, and this Ramadhan Month, we were forgiven because we do good, fasted, and give our zakat……….that’s not nice, that’s WONDERFULL!!!!!!! REALLY REALLY WONDERFULL!!!!!

    Third, they keep calling people, women, man, student, father, mother, etc, etc, etc to prepare the sahur meal, sahur, keep remembering them this is a fast month…….then I remember that some Kyai, Ustadz, and other powerful religion figure (kyai and ustadz were a religion teacher) always praised Indonesia as the biggest Islamic dominated majority nation, and also the most steadfast to with its faith regarding Islam and its ritual…….so if they were so steadfast with it, why they have to be awakened up? Why they have to be remembered that this month is a fast month? Why? They were a steadfast Moslem…….they supposedly already know that this is a holy month of Ramadhan, they don’t need to be awakened or remembered because they supposedly already know their duty in Ramadhan month…….only a child, a not steadfast people need to be remembered every days about their duty………………so are the Indonesian were a child? Or is because they were sooooooooooooooooooooo steadfast they forgot that this is a Ramadhan month and forgot their duty? Or maybe Indonesian not know why they have to fast So here come some conclusion of it……………..If Indonesian as the acclaimed most steadfast and religious people have to be awakened from their sleep to begin their daily fast ritual, then how about the other people that not as steadfast as Indonesian is?

    Observer out (still with question in his mind of course)

    Posted at 10/27/2005 2:17:11 am by The Beloved Lucifiel
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